#1 - Boudreaux & The Devil...
#2 - Pierre & Boudreaux Go Hunting...
#3 - Boudreaux In The Field...
#4 - Boudreaux & The Puzzle...
#5 - Close Encounters Of The Boudreaux
Kind...
#6 - Boudreaux & The Pig...
#7 - Pierre & Boudreaux At The LSU Office...
#8 - Boudreaux & Clarence...
#9 - Pierre & Boudreaux Go Fishing...
#10 - Boudreaux & The Elevator...
#11 - Boudreaux & The Game Warden Go
Fishing...
#12 - Boudreaux's Daughter's Engagement...
#13 - Clotile's Milk Bath...
#14 - Boudreaux & The Texan...
#15 - Boudreaux Goes To Hawaii...
#16 - The Hole in the Ground...
#17 - Boudreaux's Boat For Sale?...
#18 - The Outhouse...
#19 - The Fastest Thing In The World...
#20 - Mary Lou...
#21 - Boudreaux's Drunk Driving Incident...
#22 - The Texan & His Truck...
#23 - Flying Cajun Airlines...
#24 - Boudreaux's Speeding Ticket...
#25 - Clotile Goes To The Doctor...
#26 - When Boudreaux Was Courting Clotile...
#27 - Boudreaux & The Zookeepers...
#28 - The Pedro Game...
#29 - Boudreaux's Vasectomy...
#30 - Boudreaux's Death Notice...
Boudreaux died and was on his way down to Hell.
In
anticipation, the Devil turned up the thermostat
to
make it extra warm for Boudreaux. When Boudreaux
arrived, the Devil asked, "Hey Boudreaux, how do
you
like the heat down here?"
Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's just fine. It reminds
me of Bayou PonPon in July."
That made the Devil mad. That night, he turned
the
thermostat up all the way it could go. Man it was
hot!
When Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "NOW
how
do you like it down here?"
Boudreaux says, "Mais, it's fine. It reminds me
of
August on Bayou Lafourche."
As you might expect, that made the Devil all the
more
mad. Well, that night, he turned the thermostat
down
all the way it could go! The whole place frosted
over.
Icicles started forming from the rafters. When
Boudreaux woke up, the Devil asked him, "How you
like
it NOW, Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux, shivering, through blue lips, says,
"Mais
cher, I'm one happy Cajun!"
The Devil was infuriated! He yelled, "What do you
mean
you're one happy Cajun?!!"
Boudreaux, still shivering says,"The Saints done
won
the Superbowl!"
Pierre and Boudreaux wanted to go hunting, but
didn't
have a place to hunt.
Pierre said, "The old farmer down the road is a
friend
of mine. He's so old, that he can't even get out
into
his fields anymore. I'll bet he would let us hunt
there."
When they got there, Pierre told Boudreaux that
he
would go into the house, and ask for permission
to hunt
on the farmer's land. Pierre went into the house,
and
his friend, the old farmer said, "That's all
right with
me, but could I get you to do me a small favor in
return?"
The farmer said, "Mud Bug, my old hunting dog is
so
old, he is in constant agony. I need to put him
out if
his misery, but I just don't have the heart.
Before you
take to my fields, could you please use your gun
and do
it for me? He's in the front yard, he's in so
much
pain, he can't even make it into the house any
more."
Pierre said that he would help the old farmer,
and went
out into the yard, to tell Boudreaux that they
could
hunt there. As he was walking down the front
steps, he
got an idea for a joke that would scare
Boudreaux. When
Boudreaux said, "Did he tell us we could hunt on
his
land?", Pierre, for a joke, said, "No, that's the
meanest old farmer I've EVER met -- I'll show
HIM!!"
Then he shot the old dog, and said, "That'll show
him."
Boudreaux ran to the farmer's barn, and Pierre
fell on
the ground, laughing, because he scared Boudreaux
enough to run away and hide. Suddenly, Pierre
heard,
"BLAM......BLAM." Then Boudreaux ran out of the
barn,
and shouted to Pierre, "O.K., I got the horse and
cow... Now, let's get out of here."
Pierre looks out the window and sees Boudreaux
standing
out in his field.
Pierre tells his wife Marie, that he is worried
about
Boudreaux.
The next day he looks out his window and he sees
Boudreaux still standing out in his field and
tells
Marie that he's really worried about
Boudreaux.
The next day, he looks out and Boudreaux is still
standing out in his field.
He says, "Marie, Boudreaux has lost his mind and
I need
to go help him!"
He walks over to Boudreaux and says, "What the
hell are
you doing Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux says, "I'm trying to win de Nobel
Prize."
Pierre says, "Mais, how you plan to do dat?"
Boudreaux says, "I saw a show on TV and dey said
if you
want to win de Nobel Prize dat you have to be out
standing in your field."
One day Pierre went to Boudreaux's house and
Boudreaux
was working on a jigsaw puzzle.
A year later, Pierre again visits Boudreaux and
Boudreaux is still working on the puzzle.
Another year after that, Pierre went to
Boudreaux's to
go fishing with him.
Boudreaux comes out of the house and says "Mais
Pierre,
I'm so proud of myself, I finally finished dat
puzzle
and it only took me two years!"
Pierre says "Mais, Boudreaux, I don't tink dat it
should take you dat long!"
Boudreaux says "Mais, Pierre, I tink I did perty
good
when it says rite dere on the box -- 'Jigsaw
Puzzle -
500 pieces - 6 to 12 years'!"
Pierre and Boudreaux were on a weekend hunt when
they
witnessed a UFO landing.
As the little green creatures descended from the
craft
Pierre said: " Mais what's dat?" to which
Boudreaux
replied as he aimed his gun: "I don't know me,
Pierre.
But you better go back to de camp and put some
rice
on."
Boudreaux was riding along the highway when a
truck
passes with some pigs in it.
One of the pigs falls out and Boudreaux stops to
pick
it up.
A while later, a state trooper stops and says
"Boudreaux, what you doin with dat pig?"
Boudreaux says "A man passed by wid a truck full
of
pigs and dis one fell out. I was goin to try to
catch
up with de truck and give de man his pig
back."
The state trooper says "Boudreaux, dat man is
long
gone, why don't you just take dat pig to de zoo?"
Boudreaux said "OK".
A couple of days later, the state trooper sees
Boudreaux on the highway with the pig still in
his
truck.
He stops Boudreaux and says "Didn't I tell you to
bring
dat pig to the zoo?"
Boudreaux says "Mais, yea, but we had so much fun
at de
zoo dat I tink we are gonna go to AstroWorld
now!"
Pierre and Boudreaux found themselves out of a
job when
the underwear factory in Port Barre shut down.
But
their boss said they could go to the LSU office
-- you
know ... the Louisiana State Unemployment Office
-- so
that Pierre and Boudreaux could get some money
from the
State while out of a job. So Pierre and Boudreaux
went
to the LSU office.
As Pierre waited, Boudreaux sat down at a desk
and was
interviewed by the lady there.
"And what was your former occupation?" she
asked.
"Me, I was a crotch stitcher. I specialized in
ladies
underpants." Boudreaux proudly replied.
So the lady looks it up in her big book and says,
"OK,
you're eligible for $50 a week."
"You mean I don't gotta do nothin' and I kin get
$50 a
week. Man, dats betta den crawfishin'!" Boudreaux
shouted.
Then Pierre sat down and the lady asked him the
same
question.
Pierre looked her straight in the eye and said,
"I was
one a dem diesel fitters."
She looked up in her big book again and said
"Very good
then, you're eligible for $200 a week in
unemployment
benefits."
"Wait a minute!" Boudreaux shouted. "Mais, how
come
Pierre gets $200 a week, and me, I only get $50.
I tole
you I used to be a crotch stitcher; you know you
gotta
be real good to do dat kind of work so de seams
are all
nice an straight an smooth so nutting scratches
de
lady. An Pierre here, he's only a diesel fitter.
And
he's gonna make at least twice more dan me?!"
"Oh," the lady replied, "but he's a skilled
laborer
with an education. Diesel fitters are in high
demand
especially by oil fields and heavy equipment
users.
There's not many diesel specialists around."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady," Boudreaux continued,
"you got
dat all wrong. Yeah, Pierre's a diesel fitter,
all
right. But what dat means is dat after I do all
de fine
work on de lady drawers, he picks dem up, looks
'em
over and stretches dem dis way and dat, and den
says,
'Yep, dese'll fit her!'"
Boudreaux lived across the bayou from Clarence,
who
Boudreaux did not like.
There was no bridge or other easy way to cross
the
bayou so the two would argue by yelling across
the
bayou.
Boudreaux would often yell across the bayou to
Clarence, "Clarence, if I had a way to cross dat
bayou,
I would come beat you up!".
The threats continued for many years.
One day the state built a bridge across the
Bayou.
Soon after the bridge was built, Boudreaux's
wife,
Clotile, says "Boudreaux, you've been talking
about
going across dat bayou to beat up Clarence all
dese
years. Now that they have dat bridge, what are
you
waiting for?"
So Boudreaux decided it was time to go see
Clarence, so
he started walking down to the bridge.
Just as he was getting ready to cross the bridge,
he
looks up at the sign on the bridge, reads it, and
goes
back home.
When Boudreaux gets home, Clotile asks "Mais,
Boudreaux, did you go beat up Clarence?"
Boudreaux said, "Mais no Clotile, dat sign on dat
bridge says 'Clearance 13 feet 3 inches'. Mais,
Clotile, Clarence don't look dat big from across
de
bayou!"
Pierre and Boudreaux went fishing in Pierre's
boat but
were not doing very good.
They came across Alphonse in a boat loaded with
fish.
Pierre asked Alphonse what his secret was.
Alphonse
said, "Jes go out through that pass over dere
until the
water gets fresh. Stop dere and drop yer
line."
All excited, Pierre fired up the motor and headed
through the pass.
When they got a little ways out, he told
Boudreaux to
fill up a bucket and taste the water. Boudreaux
complied and said, "It's still salty, Pierre!"
Pierre went further out and told Boudreaux to
taste the
water again. Boudreaux said the same thing, "It's
still
salty, Pierre!"
This went on for hours and it was starting to get
dark,
and they were in the middle of nowhere, when
Pierre
said to taste the water one last time.
Boudreaux replied, "But Pierre, there's no more
water
in the bucket!"
One day Boudreaux, his wife Clotile, and
Boudreaux's
friend, Pierre went to the city.
While Clotile went shopping, Boudreaux & Pierre
decided
to go check out one of them tall buildings.
Inside the building, Boudreaux & Pierre came to
these
big golden doors.
Boudreaux says,"Wonda wot dees doors lead to?".
So Boudreaux & Pierre stare at the doors for a
few
minutes until an old woman comes up to the doors.
She
pushes a button near the door, the doors open,
she goes
inside, & the doors close.
Boudreaux & Pierre watch as numbers above the
door
start to change from "1" to "2" to "3", then the
numbers stop a while then change again from "3"
to "2"
to "1". Then the doors open and a beautiful young
voluptuous woman walks out!
Boudreaux tells Pierre, "Mais you saw dat!? Hurry
up--lets go find Clotile so we can put her in
dere!"
This Louisiana game warden had been keeping an
eye on
the fishing docks, when after about a week he
noticed
that Boudreaux had been coming back every day
with a
boat full of fish. One day he starts to talk to
Boudreaux as he's pulling his boat in. The warden
says,'Boudreaux, I been watchin you. I notice
every day
dat you been comin' in wid a full load of fish.
You
must be havin some good luck? Eh?" Boudreaux
answers,
"May yah, dem fish is easy to catch." The game
warden
replies, "Well listen. I got me a day off comin
next
Saturday. I was wondring, maybe I could go an
fish wid
you?" Boudreaux replies, "May dat be no problem.
Jus
make shore you be here at dat 6 a.m. sharp. Cause
I
gonna leave dis dock wid or widout you." "May
I'll be
here, don't chu worry none about dat" answers the
warden.
Saturday comes and the game warden is waiting at
the
dock when Boudreaux pulls up and puts his boat in
the
water. The game warden gets in and Boudreaux
proceeds
to drive the boat out to the middle of the lake.
At
this point, Boudreaux shuts off the engine and
lets the
boat glide to a stop. The game warden, who'd been
curious anyway, says to Boudreaux, "May
Boudreaux, I
been lookin aroun dis boat, and I notice dat all
you
don brought was dis here ice-chest and dat little
brown
paper bag under your seat. May, you don't even
got no
fishin pole." Boudreaux answers, "May, dat be
because
dats all I need" And he proceeds to pull a stick
of
dynamite out of the brown paper bag, lights it,
thows
it in the water and watches it go boooom! All the
fish
in the area, being stunned, float to the top of
the
water.
The warden, by this time, can't believe his eyes.
Half
yelling, he says to Boudreaux, "May Boudreaux, I
know
we been knowin each udder for a long time, but
man, you
can't be doing dat, especially wid me being a
game
warden n all. May, dat's agin de law in a big way
dat
is." Boudreaux, without say a word, calmly
reaches down
into the bag (with the warden still rattling
off),
pulls out a stick, lights it, hands it to the
warden
and says, "You gonna talk, or you gonna fish?"
Boudreaux's daughter brings home her new fiance
to meet
Boudreaux & Clotile. After dinner, Clotile tells
Boudreaux to find out about the young man.
Boudreaux
invites the fiancee to the back room for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" Boudreaux asks the
young man.
"I am a scripture scholar." he replies.
"A scripture scholar. Hmmm," Boudreaux says,
"Dats
good, but what will you do to provide a nice
house for
my daughter to live in?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God
will
provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement
ring?"
asks Boudreaux.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man
replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks Boudreaux. "How will you
support
de children?"
Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the
financee.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each
time
Boudreaux questions, the young man insists that
God
will provide.
Later, Clotile asks Boudreaux, "Mais, how did it
go,
Boudreaux?"
Boudreaux answers Clotile by saying, "He has no
job,
and he has no plans, but the good news is ... he
thinks
I'm God."
For Valentines Day Boudreaux wanted to get
Clotile, his
wife, a real surprise. She had been wanting a
milk bath
for a long time.
So Boudreaux told his friend Pierre, he say,
"Pierre,"
he say, "I wanna give Clotile a milk bath for
Valentine
Day." He say, "Why don't you bring you cow over
to da
house and put me some milk in da battub."
And Pierre say, "Okay, Boudreaux," he say, "Dat
milk,
you want dat pasteurize?"
Boudreaux thought about it a while, then said,
"No,
just so it covers her belly, dat's all I want."
Boudreaux once had a job as a taxicab driver in
Baton Rouge.
One day, he picked up a Texan on his way to the
airport. When they passed by the LSU football
stadium, the Texan said "What's that?"
Boudreaux said, "Dat's Tiger Stadium."
The Texan said, "How long did it take y'all to
build it?"
Boudreaux said, "Mais, about five years."
The Texan said, "Oh, we've got a bigger one in
Austin that only took one year."
As they passed the state capitol, the Texan asked
again, "What's that building?"
Boudreaux said, "Dat's the state capitol".
"And how long did it take y'all to build that?"
Boudreaux said, "About three years."
The Texan said, "We've got one in Austin that
only took six months."
Boudreaux had just about enough of this, you
know. Then they drove past the Mississippi River
Bridge.
The Texan said, "How long did it take y'all to
build that bridge?"
Boudreaux said, "I don't know. It wasn't there
this morning."
#15 - Boudreaux Goes To Hawaii...
Boudreaux goes to Hawaii on vacation.
Down at the pool, a fellow sits next to
Boudreaux.
Boudreaux says "Hey, how you doing? My name is
Boudreaux and I'm here on vacation. My house
caught itself on fire and I got a little extra
from the insurance company."
"Well that's interesting," responded the fellow
"I'm here from California and my house flooded. I
used the extra insurance money for this
vacation."
"Mais dats good," said Boudreaux "but let me axe
you one ting. How de hell did you start de
flood?"
Boudreaux and Pierre were walking through the
woods one day, when Boudreaux grabbed Pierre by
the arm pulling him back. Boudreaux says,
"Whooee, Pierre, look at dat big hole you almost
stepped in!"
Pierre looks down into the hole, and says,
"Whooee, Boudreaux, dat sure looks like a deep
hole. I wonder how deep dat hole goes ?"
They find a rock, and throw it into the hole,
listening to see how long it will take to hit the
bottom. They don't hear anything. They find a
bigger rock and repeat the process, but still
don't hear it hit.
Pierre notices a railroad tie lying in the
bushes, picks it up and throws it into the hole.
While they are listening for the railroad tie to
hit the bottom, a little billy goat comes running
out of the bushes, runs right between them and
jumps into the hole.
A few minutes later, their friend, Thibodaux
comes walking through the bushes. Boudreaux says,
"Hey
Thibodaux, what you doin' way out here in de
woods?"
Thibodaux answers, "Well I'm out here looking for
my little billy goat."
Pierre says, "You want to hear sometin funny,
Thibodaux? The strangest ting just happend. A
little billy goat just came running out dem
bushes, and jumped right in dat deep hole right
dere."
Thibodaux says, "Oh dat couldn't have been my
billy goat. My goat was tied to a railroad tie
back in dose bushes!"
One day, Boudreaux had a sign in his yard that
read "Boat for Sale."
Pierre came by and said, "Boudreaux ... tell me
sometin ... why you got dat sign in dat yard dat
say 'Boat for Sale'? Mais, you ain't got no
boat!"
Boudreaux replied "Mais no I don't got no boat,
but see my car over dare by dat sign?"
Pierre responded "Mais yeah I see dat car."
Boudreaux then said "And see my trailor over dare
by dat sign?"
Pierre said "Mais yeah I see dat trailor."
Boudreaux said "Mais Pierre, dey boat for sale,
wats de matter wid you!"
When Boudreaux was a little boy he was called
"Tee-Boudreaux".
"Tee Boudreaux" lived with his family in a house
with no indoor plumbing. Instead they had an
outhouse out in the back of the house. His dad,
Papa Boudreaux, wanted the best he could get for
the Boudreaux family. So they had a "two holer"
outhouse so that two people could "go" at the
same time.
One day Tee-Boudreaux and Papa Boudreaux were
both in the outhouse when Tee-Boudreaux saw his
Papa accidentally drop a quarter into the hole.
Tee-Boudreaux noticed his Papa thinking about
something a while then reach into his pocket,
pull out a dollar bill, and drop it into the hole
where the quarter had gone.
Tee-Boudreaux saw this and said, "Mais, Papa what
you dropped dat dollar bill into dat hole for?!".
Papa Boudreaux said, "May Tee-Boudreaux, I didn't
have de heart do send you down dere for just a
quarter!"
One day Boudreaux, his wife Clotile, Boudreaux's
friend Pierre, and Pierre's wife Marie were
talking. Clotile asked "Mais y'all, wat you tink
is the most fastest ting in de world, huh?"
Pierre says, "Mais, Clotile, the fastest ting in
the world is to tink a tought. Before you can
tink a tought ... you've done tunk!"
Pierre's wife Marie thought about this some and
she said "Mais, Pierre, I can tink of something
faster den dat. I tink de fastest ting in the
world is when you blink you eye. Before you can
tink a tought, you've done blunked a blink."
After a while, Clotile says, "Mais I can tink of
sometin faster den dat, I tink de fastest ting in
de world is a light switch. When you flip dat
switch, before you can tink a tought or before
you blunk a blink, dat light comes on."
Boudreaux thinks about all this a while and says
"Y'all are all wrong. De fastest ting in de world
is diarrhea. One time I had dat diarrhea, and all
of a sudden before I could tink, blink, or flip
dat light on, I done messed in my pants! How bout
dat?!"
One day while Clotile was washing Boudreaux's
clothes, she found a piece of paper in
Boudreaux's pants pocket. She opens up the paper
and it has the name "Mary Lou" written on it.
Clotile got real mad and stormed into the room
where Boudreaux was and said, "Mais Boudreaux,
you better explain to me who dis 'Mary Lou' is,
rite now!"
Boudreaux said, "Mais Clotile, don't you go
worryin bout dat. I went to de race track today
and dat's the horse dat I bet on!"
Clotile thought about it some and said "OK, but
don't you ever let me find out dat you been
messin around with somebody else."
The next day the phone rang and Clotile answered
it, after a while she hung up the phone and then
went over to Boudreaux carrying a big iron
skillet. Clotile hit Boudreaux on the side of the
head with the skillet.
Boudreaux, rubbing his head, said "Clotile, mais
what you done dat for?!"
Clotile said, "Mais, your horse just called!"
One night, Boudreaux was driving his pick-em-up
truck out of the parking lot of his favorite bar,
all drunk like. Boudreaux was weaving down the
road, and a state trooper pulls Boudreaux's truck
over to the side of the road.
The trooper says, "C'mon outa dere, Boudreaux,
an' walk on de yeller line . . . Woo Boudreaux!
You smell like de inside of de beer barrel!"
Boudreaux says, "You gonna see jus' how drunk I
am. Walk on de yeller line? I'm gonna do you one
better den dat! Watch dis!" And with that, ol'
Boudreaux, jumps up on the top of a picket fence
on the side of the road. DIK - DIK - DIK,
Boudreaux walks along the top of the picket
fence, like he is some kind of circus performer.
The trooper says, "Dat's pretty good, Boudreaux.
Reckon you can get down now, an' drive your old
self home. Stop messin' around on dat fence!"
Boudreaux says, "Man, you ain't see nutting yet!"
Here it is, late at night, and Boudreaux takes a
right hand turn off the picket fence onto the top
of a barb wire fence, out along this pasture.
BOING - BOING - BOING, Boudreaux hops along the
barb wire fence.
While Boudreaux was hopping down the barb wire
fence, he looks in the pasture and sees a big
black Brangus bull with long handlebar horns.
Boudreaux, looks at the bull, the bull paws the
ground like he is ready to go for Boudreaux.
Boudreaux jumps off the barb wire fence into the
pasture, grabs the bull by the horns, shouting
"Give it to me!"
The bull, goes this way, and Boudreaux went that
way, and finally the the bull, got the better of
Boudreaux, and flung Boudreaux out to the edge of
a sugar cane field.
Boudreaux comes out of the cane field, all cut up
from the sugar cane. Boudreaux staggers over to
the barb wire fence, hops up on it, BOING - BOING
- BOING, he hops back along the top of the barb
wire fence, then DIK - DIK - DIK, he walks back
along the top of the picket fence, back to the
trooper.
Boudreaux says, "Lock me up, mister Trooper, I'm
too drunk to drive!"
"Mais, Boudreaux, I just saw you walk along de
top of dat picket fence and hop along de top of
dat barb wire fence! I don't tink I could do dat
myself. You go on home, now, you ol' fool."
Boudreaux says, "Lock me up ennyway. Any night
dis ol' Boudreaux is too drunk to steal a bicycle
from a black boy, Boudreaux is too drunk to
drive!"
One day, Boudreaux was sitting on his porch and a
truck drove up to Boudreaux's house and a man
stepped out.
The man introduced himself to Boudreaux, told
Boudreaux that he was from Texas, and that he was
getting some information about land in the area.
The Texan said, "Mr. Boudreaux, how much land do
you have here where you live?"
Boudreaux said, "Mais, I have about two acres."
The Texan said, "That's not much land. Back in
Texas where I'm from, it takes me just about all
day to drive my truck down my driveway to my
house."
Boudreaux thinks about what the Texan said for a
while and then responds, "Yeah, I used to have a
truck like dat."
Boudreaux and Pierre were flying Cajun Airlines.
Pierre was flying da plane and Boudreaux was in
da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff.
Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing
aroun' an Pierre got knock unconscience. Den da
plane start driftin.
Boudreaux him come run up to da front an saw dat
Pierre was sprawl out over da steerin wheel.
Well, Boudreaux don know nuttin bout flyin an he
start to get panaky. He grab da microphone and
holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line
10210. Pierre, him knock unconscence an I don
know nutin about flyin dis plane!"
"Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don
you worry bout nutin. We gona splain how fo you
to land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-on-tee!
Jus leave aryting ta us. Fus, how high are you an
what's you position?"...
Boudreaux thought a minute, den say, "I'm five
foot ten an I'm all da way to da front of da
plane."
"No! No!", answer da tower. "What's you altitude
an where's you location?"
Boudreaux say, "Man, ah got a po attitude, an I'm
from Thibodaux!"
"No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah
needs to know how many feet you got off da groun
an how you plane's in relation to da airport!"
Boudreaux start to panic by dis time. He say,
"Countin Pierre's an mine we got fo feet off da
ground an I don bleve dis plane's related to you
airport!"
A long pause --- "We needs to know who you next
of kin is and where to send da flowers!"
A policeman pulled Boudreaux's car over to the
side of the road and the policeman came to the
window of the car next to Boudreaux.
The policeman told Boudreaux that he was speeding
and that he would have to give Boudreaux a
speeding ticket.
Boudreaux tells the policeman that he was not
speeding. Boudreaux then turns to Clotile and
says, "Mais, Clotile you was watching me. Tell de
officer if dats true dat I was speeding!"
Clotile turns to the officer and says, "Mais
officer, I can't tell you whether my husband was
speeding because I don't pay attention to him
when he's drunk!".
One day Clotile went to the doctor and she told
the doctor "Mais, doc, I got dis problem ... when
me & Boudreaux make love one time, I'm cold ...
den de next time we make love, I'm hot ... den de
next time, I'm cold ... and it goes on like dat."
The doctor thought about this a minute and asked
Clotile how often she and Boudreaux made love.
Clotile said, "Mais doc, I don't know why you ask
me dat, but me and Boudreaux make love twice a
year -- one time in June, den again in December,
den again in June, den again in December!"
One day when Boudreaux and Clotile were courting
(before they got married), Boudreaux went to
visit Clotile at her house.
Boudreaux and Clotile were sitting in the living
room talking. Boudreaux was on his best behavior
-- trying to make a good impression on Clotile.
When Clotile left the living room for a while,
Boudreaux was looking around the room and noticed
there was an old Hammond Organ in the corner.
Boudreaux noticed that there was a fish bowl
filled with water on top of the organ with
something floating on the surface of the water.
Boudreaux walked over to get a closer look and
noticed that the object floating in the fish bowl
was a condom. Puzzled, Boudreaux went back to his
seat.
When Clotile returned to the living room,
Boudreaux and Clotile continued their
conversation -- but all the time Boudreaux kept
thinking about that thing in the fish bowl.
After much of the evening passed, Boudreaux's
curiosity got the best of him and he asked
Clotile, "Mais, Clotile, whats dat ting doin in
dat fish bowl up dere?"
Clotile replied, "Mais Boudreaux, let me tell you
about dat. One day I was walking down de road
down by de bayou and I found dat ting on de side
of de road. Mais, you know I picked it up and
brought it home. I read the writing on de package
and it said 'For prevention of disease - put it
on your organ and keep it wet.'. So I put it up
dere and you know, Boudreaux it really works yea
-- I haven't had a cold in over a year now!"
The Houston Zoo was transporting a large female
gorilla to New Orleans' Audubon Zoo. Just outside
of Lafayettte, the gorilla begins to go crazy,
making it difficult to drive the transport truck.
The zookeepers realized that the gorilla was in
heat and pulled off at the next exit to try to
figure out what to do to calm the gorilla down.
One of the zookeepers suggested that they find
someone to mate with her to hold her over until
they could make it to New Orleans. Just then, ol'
Boudreaux comes walking down the street toward
the truck. The zookeeper approached Boudreaux and
said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have a proposition
for you. How about $50 to mate with that gorilla
in the back of our truck?"
Boudreaux began to scratch his head and thought
about the proposition for a minute. Boudreaux
then said "I'll do it, but I got three requests."
The zookeepers asked what his requests were.
Boudreaux replied, "First ... nobody gonna watch
because it is kinda embarrasin. Second, don't
tell my mama -- she's a good Catlick, goes to
church every Sunday, and would not like to hear
about dis."
The zookeepers then asked, "That's fine
Boudreaux, but what is your third request?"
Boudreaux hesitated a while then said, "Ummmm,
can dis wait 'til Friday? Dat's when I get paid."
Boudreaux & Clotile and Pierre & Marie, (two
happily married couples) all decide to have a
pedro game one night. So they all meet at
Boudreaux & Clotile's house and begin playing
cards. A couple of games later, Boudreaux decides
he needs to go to the bathroom, so he goes. Then
Marie decides to get more beer in the kitchen and
she goes.
Remaining at the pedro table were Pierre and
Clotile. Pierre, looking at Clotile (Boudreaux's
wife) tells her (Clotile) that he thinks she
looks good and that he would like nothing more
than to "fool around" with her. Well, Clotile
gives in and tells Pierre that it will cost him.
Pierre asks "how much?" Clotile says "$100.00".
Pierre tells her that that is too much, being he
has no job. Then after a little while, Pierre
agrees to pay her. They decide that he will go
over the next morning while Boudreaux is at work.
So they finish their pedro game that night, and
Pierre goes over to Boudreaux's house just after
Boudreaux leaves for work (not to see Boudreaux,
no!!) and he and Clotile spend the day together.
He gets what he wants from Clotile and gives her
the $100.00 then leaves.
A little while later Boudreaux comes home and
asks Clotile if Pierre came by today. Clotile was
shocked, but couldn't tell a lie to Boudreaux and
says yes, Pierre did come by. Then Boudreaux asks
if Pierre gave her $100.00. Clotile replies yes
while hesitating. Boudreaux says, that good ole
friend of mine, Pierre; I knew I could count on
him. This morning he came by work and borrowed
$100.00 and said he'd have it back by 5:00 PM.
After having their 10th child, Boudreaux and
Clotile decided that that was enough. So
Boudreaux went to the doctor and told the doctor
that he and Clotile didn't want to have any more
children. The doctor told Boudreaux that there
was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix
the problem.
The doctor told Boudreaux that he was to go home,
get a cherry bomb, light the fuse, put the cherry
bomb in a can, then hold the can up to his ear,
and count to 10.
Boudreaux said to the doctor "I may not be the
smartest man, but I don't see how putting a
cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to
help us not have any more children." So Boudreaux
and Clotile drove to Texas to get a second
opinion.
The Texas doctor was just about to tell them
about the procedure for a vasectomy when he
figured out who he was dealing with. So, the
doctor told Boudreaux to go home and get a cherry
bomb, light the fuse, place the cherry bomb in a
tin can, hold it next to his ear, and count to
10.
Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong,
Boudreaux went home, got a cherry bomb, lit the
fuse, and put the cherry bomb in a can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count on his
fingers, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he
paused, placed the can between his legs, and
resumed his counting with the fingers on his
other hand.
#30 - Boudreaux's Death Notice...
Boudreaux's wife, Clotile, went to the local
newspaper and said she wanted to put in the
Obituary Column that Boudreaux died.
The editor said that it would be $1.00 per word.
Clotile said, "Here's $2.00 - just put 'BOUDREAUX
DIED'."
The editor said, "Mrs. Boudreaux, surely you want
more dan dat."
Clotile said, "Mais, no, just 'BOUDREAUX DIED'."
The editor said, "Well, Mrs. Boudreaux, I know
you're a little upset. Bring yourself back
tomorrow and you will probably tink of somethin
else."
Clotile came back the next day, and said, "Yeh, I
taught of somethin else, put 'BOUDREAUX DIED,
BOAT FOR SALE'."
#1 - Boudreaux & The Devil...
#2 - Pierre & Boudreaux go hunting...
#3 - Boudreaux In The Field...
#4 - Boudreaux & The Puzzle...
#5 - Close Encounters Of The Boudreaux
Kind...
#6 - Boudreaux & The Pig...
#7 - Pierre & Boudreaux At The LSU
Office...
#8 - Boudreaux & Clarence...
#9 - Pierre & Boudreaux Go Fishing...
#10 - Boudreaux & The Elevator...
#11 - Boudreaux & The Game Warden Go
Fishing...
#12 - Boudreaux's Daughter's Engagement...
#13 - Clotile's Milk Bath...
#14 - Boudreaux and The Texan...
#16 - The Hole In The Ground...
#17 - Boudreaux's Boat For Sale?...
#18 - The Outhouse...
#19 - The Fastest Thing In The World...
#20 - Mary Lou...
#21 - Boudreaux's Drunk Driving
Incident...
#22 - The Texan & His Truck...
#23 - Flying Cajun Airlines...
#24 - Boudreaux's Speeding Ticket...
One day Boudreaux was driving the car with
Clotile in the passenger seat.
#25 - Clotile Goes To The Doctor...
#26 - When Boudreaux Was Courting Clotile...
#27 - Boudreaux & The Zookeepers...
#28 - The Pedro Game...
#29 - Boudreaux's Vasectomy...
